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Who would you have me be?

Updated: Jan 8, 2023

This poem stems from some deep-rooted feelings I've had over failed relationships. We all know about them, whether it's with a significant other, our parents, our friends- the list goes on and on. In this particular piece, I've tried to capture the heartbreak that follows when a bond is broken between two souls.

Today I looked at myself in the mirror

All I did was stare

The longing, insecure driven kind

Minutes spent in front of the mirror

Picking apart every blemish, every single insecurity

Until I no longer knew who I was staring at

And it became painstakingly clear

That the girl in the mirror

Forgot just who she was

I don’t know

Or when it happened

The little shift where I ceased to be myself

Sometimes I wonder if it was the day when paths crossed

And lives were interwoven together

Leading me to believe that this was forever

Suddenly I was eager to take care of everyone

To live up as the therapist, as the all-knowing figure

Forgetting that I was still learning

That shouldering all this weight

Wasn’t for me at sixteen

I gave away pieces of myself

To all these no-good vagrants

Who made me feel like sunlight

But in reality, they were impudent

So, I tried as I could

To be the version that you’d love

Holding conversations with a drifting soul

Who didn’t want my attention

I tied myself to those memories

Shutting the voice in my head

That warned me of what’s to come

Emptiness, and tears in my bed

For who could ever blame you

With those pretty eyes and even prettier lies

You’re not the bad guy, just misunderstood

That’s your tale, that’s your excuse

Your defensive when I speak

And admitting to mistakes makes you feel meek

I’d feel sorry for us but I don’t

Because you’ve made one thing clear

I’m a temporary asset

Someone to confide in when you’re alone

And a passing memory isn’t enough

So let’s take a break, you said, a pause

But we both know what that does

It’s a crumbling pizzazz

Today I looked at myself in the mirror

And there was only one thing I could do

I asked myself a question

One that if I were brave enough, I’d ask you

I gave away my heart

Locked it in every word we exchanged

So at the end of the day, I say,

If this version of me wasn’t enough

Just who would you have me be?

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