It all begins with an eerie sense of discontent that gradually digresses into a blinding numbness. Scrolling through social media becomes a ritual along with the daggers of disapproval your mind throws at your body, making an indentation so deep it’s hard to ignore.
My heart bulged with heavy numbness when I saw another huge heap of rice descending towards my plate like a landslide. I could almost see my mother’s hesitation before bringing down another heap of rice down to my plate. It was like she already knew that I did not want it. Of course, she knew. She always knows.
The dinner table at home was dreadful whenever I did not have control over the ladle. It was quite obvious that both of my parents knew about it. They never really tried to hide the fact. They were probably expecting me to throw another tantrum which would lead me to almost ripping the door off its hinges. However, this time, I just broke into a fit of quiet sobs.
That was the day I realized that something was wrong with me, but I was too scared to name it right with a disorder. It was one of the many things I would choke out with acid burning down my throat rather than saying it out aloud. Eating Disorder. The name felt completely foreign on my tongue even though I read many articles and watched many American movies about them. It was probably the fact that I gave them little to no thought, believing I would never need to experience them. But little did I know, I was going to need more than just an article on it now.
Eventually, when I came to terms with it, I decided to work on it and help myself. To be honest, I did not have the strength to realize it on my own. This was where the first step towards overcoming my insecurities began.
Before starting anything, I talked to my loved ones before diving into the path of healing. Initially, it was distressing to open up about my quandaries as there always was a fear of being judged lingering in my mind. However, at the end of the day, it was an eye-opening moment for me with the supportive responses I got from my parents.
Reaching out for help could be a major step, but once it is done, the rest of the process feels almost natural. For this, patience and hope are the key factors that help in overcoming an eating disorder. Once you start talking about it, it helps in evaluating the various reasons and trigger points that constrains your healthy eating habits.
The little things that I included in my schedule played a major role in helping me feel better. These include self-love journaling, being mindful about my eating habits, and efforts to be healthy through constant hydration and minimal workout. It can be overwhelming to stick to a schedule in the beginning. However, it is important to understand that consistency is the key.
Looking out for normal aspects like enough sleep and healthy habits like never skipping breakfast can also make a huge difference with time.
I used to be nervous about my future treatment plans and procedures, however, spending time with family and having someone look over my eating habits with consistent motivation has helped me prevent this taking a major toll on me.
And now, there might be times where I spiral back and feel trapped. But, it is always possible to come back and stay afloat by making sure you do not lose hope.
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