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Vacillation Vets Us All

Updated: Jan 6, 2023

From Kylie J to your security guard, everyone has bouts of insecurity, nothing new in that, but hey, it does look different, it does shine in diverse intensities and has a varied range of impact in the decisions one makes. It’s honestly like this invisible umbrella, creating a universal experience, the very one that sometimes changes life altogether. Enough of the cliche, I'll just get to the point.

I got a heart-shaped like on the YouTube video, (the highest number of likes, aha!) of Kenny Sebastian. The topic of the video - Self Doubt. Things couldn’t have gotten more real. I usually never, I emphasise never, display my public affection, purely because of the social anxiety that I have, but there was something so instinctive about the words which I typed out without proofreading, which is a biggie for us writers.

I literally could sense every inch of my body tingle with this weird sense of excitement, palpitation, nervousness, and a sense of connection, as though the universe was trying to tell me something. Now mind you, I can be very dramatic. But that’s just who I am. It sure did take me long enough to accept and embrace that. I love finding a hidden meaning behind everything and I'm on this constant search for a sign from the universe.

My emotions are a true indicator of my anxiety. It's so easily thrown around and I thought I was doing that too. Simple Ken was more than a long recording of him talking. It was the strings of words I always needed to hear. The voice, the context, the questions, and the goddamn answers to them all. I, like everybody else, was a simp for him, but after hearing every one of his episodes, my respect and gratitude for him just shot through the roof exponentially.

I never understood why people always glorified those who shared their anecdotes or kept promoting the whole “voice your thoughts” shebang. I always considered that those all-nighters who hustled through 30 assignments of Integral calculus or AP history were more praiseworthy. Maybe they are. But that’s for another day.

I know, those of you reading might have now started realizing that this is now escalating to a fangirl Kenny piece, but I can affirmatively assure you that it's not. It's about how one like for a video made me realize that I have to own everything that I naturally connect to. Being gawky, silent-ish, insecure, and having self-doubt that makes you question your very existence isn’t something that hits me alone, these waves surf the minds of others too, Kenneth included.

And if he can work through it, and produce such on-point content and thrive in success, then so can I. It’s so hard to take advice as a 19-year-old without it sounding like a sermon, and the pieces of learning and advice I caught on to weren’t spoon fed to me. I deduced them by relating my experiences to those being shared, which had an uncanny resemblance and that made me feel empowered.

It is a feeling, a state of mind I otherwise wouldn’t have had the joy to experience. I imbibed that the essence of what we go through is ultimately the same. Having someone to relate to, is so underrated. I’m stoked that for me it was him. So to all those out there, struggling to validate your emotions, go find your Kenny.


P.S: Given the current setting of a global pandemic, when getting vaxxed is just as ordinary and common as trying out a new reel and thus, the title seemed apt. Hope you liked it and let me know who you relate to the most!

Also update: He got married the day after I wrote this blog. His biggest life update till date. Talk about universal connections ;)

To check out the whole vid, click on the jarring button :)


Harini Anand

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