Updated: Jan 19
A few years ago, on an evening like this, I was going through my bookshelf and thought of giving Paper Town a shot. Turning the pages with a creaking sound and consuming the emotions buried deep inside those pages, I didn't even realise that the day was about to end. As I was nearing the end of the book with an unknown pang of separation and loss in my heart, I stumbled upon a line where Margo quotes Emily Dickinson: “Forever is composed of Nows.” And since then, I don't know if there is anything that has me as devoted as this quote.
I often think about this quote when people use the word ‘forever' in their everyday conversation as if the word doesn’t hold the pressure of existence. There have been so many moments where I wanted things to exist forever, but then again, it’s all about what I do now. The Present.
Even though Emily Dickinson has been an inseparable part of my life, I didn’t give all this much of my attention until I realised I am in 12th grade and this is my last year at my school. What was cherry on top is that I just had my farewell a few days ago. Now as much as I want to believe that I will be friends with these people forever, it’s a lifelong commitment and I don't know what the future has in store for me.
I remember being in tears on my first day of school, just like every other kid, when all I wanted was for my mom to wrap her arms around me and accompany me to school the whole day. That detachment felt like the worst thing that could have happened at the time.
As years passed by, there were still tears, but this time, they were for that silly and irrational first fight I had with my best friend (and we all know that’s the most heartbreaking thing that could happen to a tween). Amidst these stupid breakups and patch-ups, a lot of laughter and sneaking around, we had no clue we were no longer those toddlers who came to school with swollen red eyes. Time flew by as we made memories and now it seems like it was only yesterday when all of us were bunking classes and hiding in the washroom because we didn't prepare for our test or eating lunch in the classroom when our history teacher was telling us how great the Akbar was. But you know what was the best part? That in all of this, there was always some reassurance that I won’t go down alone, we would go down together. (If we go down, then we go down together- vibes alert!!!)
At last, I really wish I could rewind to the good part and go back to the days where I was sobbing because I lost my favourite pen rather than muffling the sound of my tears because I just lost the person I loved the most.
Anyways, as Monica said “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.”
Cheers to a new beginning!!