Updated: Jan 19
They say marriages are matches made in heaven, but in reality they’re more like winning a lottery. You could hit the jackpot….but it’s rare. Interestingly though, whether you take the scenic route of a love marriage or the straightforward one to an arranged marriage, all of them end up at the same destination – Disappointment-ville or towns adjacent to it. At the end of the day, the challenges in all marriages are the same and the practicality of life leaves little room for romantic notions. That coupled with the fact that unlike a relationship, where the partner could simply break up, getting out of marriages takes more effort.
Divorce is rampant but it costs a lot of money not to mention emotions and one’s reputation. The possible fact that the spouse isn’t going to leave (at least not so easily or not in a hurry), makes spouses invest lesser effort while expecting the same outcome. Every relationship needs work. Especially a marriage. Prioritizing things like careers or other family members over the spouse can hurt a marriage. Instead of choosing and prioritizing, can a balance be found? That’s a question for the individual to ponder. It’s also up to the individual to determine that required balance. But before you get there decide if it’s worth the effort.
Is marriage what you want? It’s not for everyone. So is it for you? Things change after marriage. Couples start taking each other for granted. This is the journey of any relationship. When things are new, there’s excitement and anticipation. But when all of that’s dwindled, what’s left?
A friend of mine once described a new relationship like a mystery box. You don’t know what surprise you’re going to find next. In a new relationship, there’s euphoria, your thoughts and senses are overpowered by your romantic partner. But as time passes, the euphoria dies down and couples settle into a rhythm, a comfortable habit. In a way, marriage is a habit. Leaving the comfort and security of a socially sanctioned, legally binding contract is not for everybody.
Which is a great explanation of why a lot of marriages stand the test of time. But you can always quit a habit. Marriage is a compromise and a gamble. It’s a great test of your patience and your tolerance. Marriage is many things, many argue that it’s a necessary evil. There’s a great reason for this institution to exist.
However, before you enter it, it might be a good idea to get your facts right and evaluate if this is indeed for you. Getting in and out of marriages is not recommended. Hence, rather than choosing between a love or an arranged match, choose between a marriage and a meaningful relationship. After all the goals of a marriage can also be achieved via a strong, meaningful, and monogamous relationship. So, choose wisely!